Monday, March 26, 2007

Zen for breakfast

6AM You wake up. Your internal clock works like a charm. You look up and see sunlight filtering through the glass into your semi-dark room. Your eyes are still adjusting to daylight and your body refuses to get up. Under the sheets, it is warm and safe. You don't want to leave. You pull the blankets up tighter under your chin and turn, finding an even more comfy position. You think, "15 minutes more." It is blessedly easy to doze off again.

6:15AM Reality is more palpable. You need to get up for work. For months now, you have been wondering if you can still keep up the charade that is your job. You have been thinking of resigning. You fear that your 8-5 desk job has made you bereft of all creativity and depth.

6:30AM You are still in bed, and beginning to hate yourself for it. You should have gotten up at 6. In your head, there is a battle: Is this the day I finally leave my job? What will I do with all my free time? I can't take this job anymore, it's time to move on. Where will I get the money to pay for the electricity? You bury your face in your pillow and mull over these nagging thoughts.

6:45AM Shit. Now, you really have to get up. You drag your heavy body out of bed. It feels like you've aged ten years since you woke up. You heat water for your bath and put together the stuff you'll bring to work. Your thought battle is nearing its end. A resolution is in sight. You think of the day ahead, wondering if it will pass painlessly. You imagine what you will do to make the hours more bearable.

7:10AM You are nearly ready. You can hear cars and jeepneys zooming by your house. The rest of the world has woken up with you, ready to take on the day. You look in the mirror and take a deep calming breath. Your mind is preparing itself, because it knows that preparation is the key to anything. You spray on some perfume, because you want to smell good even if you're miserable. This job is killing you.

7:20AM But you have to be realistic. You walk out the door and stand in the street, noticing a clump of students a little way down also waiting for a ride. You feel a slight pang in your chest, wishing you were still in school. You shake it off. You hail the first jeep that passes and it is not full. You are beginning to accept how you will spend the day. You seat yourself close to the door and look ahead.

7:50AM The moment of clarity. You walk into the office. The long jeepney ride has cleared your head. Or was it the fresh air? You have decided to remain hopeful about your job. The slump in your shoulders is beginning to vanish. The work day ahead no longer feels insurmountable. You remember that you will eventually find a way out of this monotony, but for now, you will have to suck it up. You go to your table. You see the work you left unfinished the day before. You sigh. It is not resignation. It is simply the realization that all this is temporary: you are relieved.

For the rest of the day, you pour yourself into work. You do not worry about the future or that fact that this job may be sucking your soul out. You know that your soul does not belong to this boring eight-to-five. It is alright. You have freed your mind of the unpleasant thoughts plaguing you earlier. In fact, your mind has become cleared of any worries and distractions. You exist only in the present. You focus on the tasks before you, and actually perform excellently. You have achieved inner peace.

4 seen below:

Shari said...

Sounds like a usual procrastinator's day --- like mine. Except that I'm not working yet, and 6am is my sleeping time. :p

Inner peace? ^_^

kubiyat said...

inner peace. *nods*

thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment. good luck with the awards! :D

Shari said...

Inner peace = possible when you're not yet dead? :p

Thanks :) I'd have left a sensible comment kaso braindead ako, and I know nothing about tennis lololol

kubiyat said...

well...it sure as hell won't work if you're already dead :D

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