The Sunday Currently #3

I am currently...

READING this and that. I'm working on Roland Barthes' Camera Lucida because I recently read Mourning Diary (which I'd obsessively tracked after a reading of Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking). I'm sampling Levels of Life by Julian Barnes because I just finished The Sense of an Ending. I'd attempted the latter early this year but had fallen into that post-holiday slump and gave up. I picked it up again following an enthusiastic recommendation from a young friend. It turned out to be quite the ruminative experience.

LISTENING to somebody's door chimes tinkling in the wind. There's a reason it's called The Calm Before the Storm. It's unnaturally quiet and our primal senses are tingling. We are unnerved because we sense the menace beneath the stillness.

WATCHING How to Get Away with Murder. I just did catch-upsies this afternoon. HOARY SHIT. I'm loving The Flash (Barry is golden; Iris has to go) but during the crossovers this week, I found myself on Ollie's team. And, as always, Supernatural. When I watch it these days, I imagine a seasoned veteran doing their thing, just going with what works. Which is pretty much what Sam and Dean are doing. I started watching this show in 2006 and have stayed loyal even through brunette Ruby and, ugh, the leviathans. It's been a few weeks, but Episode 200 was a nostalgic mo-fo, a love-letter to the fans. It really got me in the soft spots. In response, I watched the pilot and a few other favorites to get some real reminiscing on. Behold, "A Single Man Tear"!



WRITING stuff for work. What of the thesis, you say? It's nearly there. After all the urgency the past few months, I've puttered out a little. I suppose I could have pushed harder. That's all I'll say on the matter because I'm pretending I don't have any crippling issues about not making it this semester. Something about trying not to feel like a failure so I can function.

THINKING about doing some laundry.

SMELLING lemon juice and cilantro.

LOVING my brother. I was home to visit him recently - we ate veggies and tacos, talked about our folks (ha-ha), watched Guardians of the Galaxy on DVD, and basically had a smashing good time. Recent logistical arrangements have been challenging but he's just been taking it on the chin. I could learn something from him.

HOPING everyone is safe.

WANTING to finish school.

WISHING my soul was a little lighter and brighter.

WEARING a shirt with a bunch of cheeky owls printed on.

FEELING like I could use a joke.

The Sunday Currently is a weekly series hosted by Lauren at siddathornton. Write your own post (because lists are therapeutic) and link back at siddathornton to keep the love flowing. Have a fantastic week, wombats.

The Sunday Currently #2

I am currently...

READING One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I was telling my friend Joyce that Gabo's writing has been especially appealing while I've been writing my thesis. It may be some left-over feelings from reading Love in the Time of Cholera, which was such a pleasant surprise. For years, I'd been under the impression that it was sad and I usually put off sad things. And then Gabo died. So I read it and found that it was funny and loving and epic (but not in an exhausting way). I've also taken Jane Eyre down from its place on my shelf because I keep being led back to it. So, this and that while I climb my mountain.

LISTENING to Casualties of Cool by Casualties of Cool. It's making me feel things. I'll get back to you when I figure out what they are. Also, some Pharrell Williams and Iggy Azalea. There's also been a lot of The Drums in my ears because Jonny Pierce at Wanderland 2014.

WATCHING Showtime's Penny Dreadful. I'm compelled to watch anything featuring Eva Green even if she's just too powerful and unsettling a performer that, sometimes, I want to gouge out my eyes (Episode 2, I'm looking at you). The show itself is breathtaking: gorgeous shots, wonderful actors, jaw-dropping reveals. Plus, all that sex and gore. You can't go wrong. I finished the first season of CW's Reign a couple of weeks ago. I watched it mostly for Adelaide Kane whom I wished there was more of on Teen Wolf. The background history is also very interesting, but that's out the window in this 16th century Gossip Girl. There was one episode in which an instrumental version of Royals by Lorde was playing during a ball. Yes, I know, it obviously needed to be done. Let us be comforted by their small nods to actual historical events (e.g. the wooden splinter fatally lodged in King Henry's eye).

WRITING my thesis. It occupies most of my time these days. Contrary to prevailing belief, I have a desired endpoint in mind. However, things aren't going as smoothly or as quickly as I want and/ or need. It was disconcerting to wake up this morning and realize it's already June when I originally imagined myself defending in May. I guess I'm blogging now out of nowhere to try and calm down and reassure myself that I can write a decent sentence.

THINKING about my thesis. There's a corner of my brain permanently devoted to my unfinished manuscript.

SMELLING chocolate. I just obliterated a bar of hazelnut milk schokolade. I am reminded of the scene in X-Men: First Class where Kevin Bacon's Sebastian Shaw offers some to the young Erik Lehnsherr before threatening to shoot his mother. (Hey, have you seen Days of Future Past? More McFassy, I say. Also, was it really about Mystique? Or JLaw? Haha.)

WISHING I wasn't so distractible.

WANTING to finish my thesis. To write faster. To take more photos. To save more. To read more.

HOPING I get through June without buying a book. I'm on a book-buying moratorium (again) this month to minimize expenses. It's evolved into a sort of bet with friends at work. If I cave, I have to buy them grilled burgers for lunch. If I manage to control myself for a month, they buy me, well, a book. I don't know how this is going to work, you guys. Instant Gratification is my middle name.

LOVING iOS photography apps. I recently rejoined Instagram, mostly to take pictures of books and Dog, but I've been having a blast with camera and post-editing apps. I also inherited a sweet little Lumix so we'll see how that goes. These beautiful things have been soothing in this generally trying time.

WEARING my headset. Trying to cultivate peace in my otherwise unstable headspace.

NEEDING to get my shit together.

FEELING good about this week.

The Sunday Currently is a weekly series hosted by Lauren at siddathornton. Write your own post (because lists are therapeutic) and link back at siddathornton to keep the love flowing. Have a fantastic week, wombats.

The Sunday Currently #1

I am currently...

READING The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. I finished The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt last night and, I don't know, I'm still deciding what I think about it. The prose was so pure, like clean stream water slipping through my fingers. I enjoyed the ruminations about art and fate, the loving characterization, those foggy tripped out scenes. But later, I became baffled and then unmoved by Theo Decker. My feelings for the main character undermined what the book was trying to tell me. ANYWAY. Finishing The Goldfinch has somehow restored my confidence to tackle more challenging novels, so Kavalier and Clay. I'm also dipping into Drown, the only book of Junot Diaz's I haven't yet read. I recently acquired a paperback of Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell so I've also been re-reading favorite parts when the blues catch hold of me (which has been often in the past few days).

LISTENING to mostly old playlists, although Royals by Lorde has been stuck in my head for days now. Lem and I are constantly singing "You can call me queen bee" at each other. Curse that catchy song.

WATCHING The Day of the Doctor. (I KNOW!)

WRITING my thesis. (Sigh. I know.)

THINKING about the scientist as communicator.

SMELLING freshly laundered socks.

WEARING cardigans. I'm totally digging the cold mornings in Quezon City. They feel like a prelude for when I'm happily back in the mountains, in harsher, more familiar, temperatures.

WANTING to run more. Last Monday, I attempted to revive my running, which was all but forgotten during the slog that was September and October. I took it easy, knowing my body has once again become used to a stationary way of life. There was more walking than running, but it felt good to be outdoors and upright. After all the places I'd been and everything I'd done in the last two months, the neighborhood still looks pretty much the same and that is comforting.

NEEDING to be less morose about things.

FEELING that I'm between and betwixt.

The Sunday Currently is a weekly series hosted by Lauren at siddathornton. Write your own post (because lists are therapeutic) and link back at siddathornton to keep the love flowing. Have a fantastic week, wombats.

Things I Love Thursday

I'm back in the big city and have been feeling a bit grey. I've been trying to finish a couple of papers for a class I kind of neglected last year. The writing is not going as smoothly as I imagined, so I've been angry and frustrated in turns. In the past, I've gotten out of my hole by thinking about things that make me happy. I've always wanted to do a Things I Love Thursday* post, so I thought this is a good time to start.

1. Green cargo shorts - The big city is sweltering. Right now, my favorite thing to wear is this comfortable pair of green cargo shorts I found while thrifting some months ago. I'm practically living in them. And more pockets are always excellent.

2. iPod skins - I ordered a couple of skins for my iPod from stickitskins on Etsy and they arrived recently. They are pretty. My iPod is pretty. I feel pretty. (I love getting things in the mail.)

3. Mendeley - Mendeley is a free reference manager, basically a cheap alternative to Microsoft EndNote. I've been using it for about two years now, and it's been a godsend. It lets me organize my document files in my own arcane way, so it appeals to my obsessive compulsive tendencies. I can also tag my articles and search for specific content. There's a Web version too, so I can access shared folders wherever I am. It's perfect for when I'm cramming writing for work and/ or school. Nerd up, yo.

4. Charcoal leather flipflops - These flipflops are reasonably priced and extremely comfortable. They make me want to forget shoes altogether. They're also good for my skin, which has been recently revealed to be...er...hyper-sensitive.

5. The Elements of Style by Strunk/ White/ Kalman - The "little book" with Maira Kalman's illustrations is quite lovely. With her drawings, the elegant classic is pleasantly whimsical, but maintains its gloriously self-assured tone. (I wonder now if I bought it to resuscitate my ailing writing skills.)

6. Looper (dir. Rian Johnson) - My friend Joyce and I saw Looper when it opened yesterday. JGL puts in a strong performance. Bruce's badassery is indisputable. I think they could've dropped the prosthetics (although JGL may be too beautiful for the intended grittiness). Science fiction was sound (hm?) - time travel is always a good crowd-pleaser.

7. My running shoes - They are like air.

*Things I Love Thursday is a project started by Gala Darling whose philosophy is to live in the present and focus on the positive things around us.

Making positivi-tea.

You guys. Sometimes, I think about taking down Baguio Below because I barely write here anymore. It's been a good run, but perhaps it's time to move on. Nonetheless, it is early and deathly cold in the mountains, and these conditions make me introspective and compel me to inflict my thoughts on the universe.

I have been making a point to do good things for myself lately.

First, I have been trying to eat better. I'd been thinking about transforming my eating habits for a while, since I'd been steadily gaining weight since I left college in 2006. Many people I haven't seen for a long time often use my weight gain as an icebreaker. One gets used to it, but sometimes I wish I owned a samurai and that laws regarding evisceration were more forgiving. I kid, I kid. Anyway, coming back, I have decided to eat better (not less, as it were). So more vegetables and fruits, and less of the deliciously evil things. But not chocolate. I can't seem to get rid of chocolate.

Also, I lost my long hair and am now wearing a 'do that dates back to my senior year in high school. The change has been invigorating, I like to think I shed a lot of bad energy. There would be a picture, but I am bleary.

Another thing is that I have resolved to read more books that I borrow. Hanna and I regularly have an exchange, and I have a growing pile of just her books. Several of them have been with me for months now. I also have some of Nicole's, many of which have been with me for so long, they are practically mine. My friends have been very kind to loan me their books, so I shall read them. This will also allow me to talk to said friends about said books, and not be a disappointment when they ask how I liked them. (Movies are another story).

Finally, I have also decided to start running again. I've been preparing for it (mostly, mentally), and I feel I have reached the point where I am ready for implementation.

I should go make some tea now. Later.

My week in random bullet points

Just a few things:

• I am a fickle blogger, but like to avoid the customary preamble explaining my absence.
• I enjoy reading other people's stuff. If you like, you can leave me your blog address in the comments section. I will likely follow you if you write about, as Rob Gordon puts it, the important things: books, movies, music. However, if you are also given to ranting and/ or griping about your life, that is also fine, because obviously it is your blog.
• Flipboard is probably the best thing to happen to me this month. I've never been happier to browse my feeds. Everything is so clean and pretty.
• I'm struggling with my reading in Manila because it is just too frakking hot. But being home (yes, in Baguio now), I'm looking to Christopher Moore to get me out of this slump. (In other news, you can add me on Goodreads.)
• I walked around town with my little brother this afternoon, and we talked about traveling and markets. I'm discovering what it's like to have a conversation with an adolescent sibling. It is very new and interesting.
• It is cool here at night, and my soul dry sobs at the thought of having to go back to sleeping in hell.

Later.

I like for you to be still*

These days I prefer silence.
People and places feel far away and I am adrift.
Home is at the tip of my tongue.

*line from Pablo Neruda's "I like for you to be still"

Happy Halloween, ickle ghouls and goblins

Halloween with its costumes and trick-or-treating isn't a Filipino practice, but if we insist on dressing up, I would like to see more children as manananggal and tikbalang.  Our monsters are as fascinating and terrifying as any vampire or werewolf.

Side photo: A A Wild Sheep Chase sheep shirt! (found in Artwork for P150)

I'm reading Un Lun Dun by China Mieville to keep things sufficiently eerie. What are you reading this fine ghostly night?

Home again.

Interverse, did I not tell you that I was back home? That's right, again. I'm here to do some data gathering for a special problem for my terrestrial sampling methods class (Did you also feel that I am sharing unnecessarily here? Because I'm typing this and I have a feeling you won't really care.) Anyhow, plunging on shamelessly, the sampling is done! Yes, this morning, while it was shining and John Hay smelled all of pine and dew. We saw a black labrador and lots of ferns. So many ferns.

This is my mother. She was my RA for the day, even when she could have been sleeping in on the weekend. She's the best.

After, the boys met up with us and Pa took us out to Army Navy for lunch in that new Convergys place (My fine Baguio folk, please. Do not roll your eyes at my belatedness, this place is still novel to me.) I had the steak burrito, and was satisfied as always. However: Army Navy, you know you totally strum my guitar, but you seriously need to rethink your condiments. I am nuts about your cream thing, but more salsa I say! Plus, your lemon wedge is not so much a wedge as half a wedge. Acid is the secret source of your burrito's power. Give me a full wedge!

(Before I forget: my baby brother is taller than me and there are unknowable things happening to his voice.)

And then, Booksale after. It was on sale more than it usually is because the rest of SM is on sale. So:

What was a Bukowski doing there? For only P127 too. And finally, a copy of What Was She Thinking? (Notes on a Scandal) because it was only P45 and didn't have the movie cover. I can be obsessive like that. Also, Booksale is cheeky (read: bookmark). That's why we love them.

At the end of the day, we dropped by the SM Supermarket. Boys and girls, maiawawannak idiay. The tocino and the tapa were not where they normally are. I wanted to sit quietly in a corner and wait for my father to come get me. Because that is what you are supposed to do if you get lost.

There is an art to packing groceries. When I was younger and there was no SM Supermarket, we used to shop in local grocery stores like U-Need or Victoria's or 5 Cents Up or Sunshine. The bag boys could fit everything we bought in three bags or less. They were genius packers, efficient in their use of space and quick with their hands. They would momentarily approximate the relative sizes and shapes of the items, and find the perfect nook for them in each white plastic bag. When you carried the bags, things didn't stick out to poke you in the leg. The bottoms would be flat so the bags would be upright when you put them down. And the eggs were always on top. When you had too many items for plastic bags, the boys would suggest you would be much better off with a box. Everything would fit neatly in there too, tied up with straw, a perfect handle knotted at the top for easy transport. In SM, they just toss things thoughtlessly into huge plastic bags. Weekly grocery shoppers tend to end up with six or seven loads. It is a wasteful process. Remember when we said we would stop using plastic?

Later, dancing hippos. I am tired of looking at plants.

Living for today

You guys. Isn't that the most boring cover ever? But Jeffrey Eugenides, I am your bitch. I will believe everything you write.

Internetz, I am all kinds of busy, y u no leave me alone?

Today, my brain clicked. I think it is the result of the seemingly unrelated bunch of images and videos and news stories I've been encountering while trawling the interwebs.I was like the Intersect, except MUCH slower and I still don't know kung fu.

Randomly, have you seen Emmanuel Kelly's rendition of "Imagine" on The X-Factor? The YouTube video has been shared and re-shared on Facebook all day. The info box said: "BEWARE...Make sure you have lots of tissue beside you." I scoffed, Challenge Accepted. And you guys? I cried. (My friends will tell you I cry at anything. They would be right. So I really don't know what I was Challenge Accepted-ing for.) That John Lennon. He knew his shit. And that boy. He can sing.

Anyway, my brain. It is as if twinkly lights have come on one by one in my head and, outside looking in, I feel like I'm looking up at the Sagada night sky in January. I'm thinking more clearly, and I'm inspired. I remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. It will be useful in the coming days and weeks when I will be a writing machine.

Later.

Superheroes and some mention of my ovaries

A semi-productive day.

Jeepney rides have always done wonders for my cognitive processes. On my way home this evening, I had an epiphany about my thesis. I've had epiphanies about my thesis before, but this time, I feel like maybe I've found the Golden Ticket. Anyway, I have written the idea down and it will soon be fodder for the gods of Academia. No worries, that's just the way things are. I expect my brain will be sufficiently chewed out before this whole operation is over.

Female pop tarts, it is lady time. There is a reason PMS can also stand for Perchance to Maim Someone. One minute, I am stuffing my face with unicorns and rainbows, and the next, I want to break someone's face. It is that week: death glares, gnashing teeth. And I know it, too. I'm aware my rage is irrational the way we realize a dream is a dream. It is Inception in my ovaries.

There will be rain again soon, and its name is Ramon.

And finally:

Evasive maneuvers

Internetz, I have been blue. It's almost the end of the semester, and there are many papers to write. I'm responding with my usual blend of Procrastination. There is a little bit of Cycling, and much Avoidance (and evidently, an overuse of Capitalization). I've been reading (things mostly unrelated to school and/or work), writing (see: reading), and, I'm ashamed to say, spending too much time on Facebook. I while away the hours until there is nothing left of the day, and I spend most of the night feeling guilty. I realize my lack of productivity and wallow, boxing myself into a corner. Then, to shake off the bad vibes, I find other means of distraction. It's a vicious cycle.

Home.

Ickle weblings, hearken! Join me in my elation. I am home.

It has been a strange week, where I was unable to identify my emotions and I have been dragging my feet. I texted Lem to complain about my waning academic drive (a different story), and he assured me that all would be well when I'd get home: "You'll have a few days to refocus here." He was right. As soon as the cold enveloped me, my mind started to clear.

I have always loved October. While September is the cusp of the seasons, October has always signaled the arrival of true cold. This is when the air starts to become crisp, a preview of what December and January will be like. The colors of the city thrum with an animated glow, and I feel my blood come alive. This is how I know things are never as bad as they seem.

I was an island

Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. I'm back after only a week of silence. I thought I should take advantage of this random bout of diligence.

This is what the world looks like now: A theater teacher shrewdly uses Joss Whedon's Firefly to demonstrate honor and principle, and is threatened with criminal charges. In the Philippines, government officials are so obtuse and out of touch, they think it's okay to Photoshop themselves into disaster photos. Yes, the world is one big facepalm.

Space Ghost is not amused. [Image source]

There was another typhoon today. I hear Baguio has been having a hard time of it. My family and many of my friends live there, and I am thinking of them. The Philippine name for Typhoon Nalgae is Quiel. It is a strange name. It's the sort of thing fantasy anime fans might name their first born.

It is quiet in the house tonight and I am looking for something to watch to ward off the blues. Earlier today, I found out that Edgar Wright has included Rushmore in his Criterion Top 10. Coolio. I have been itching to watch it since. Acquiring it now because, apparently, I do not have Rushmore among my files. I am not sure how this could have happened, and now I am worried about the state of my Bill Murray collection.

Kelly Link has been an excellent companion during these stormy days. Her stories are smart and spine-tingling, and her writing is just delicious. Really, I can't get enough of it. I am putty in her hands, dazed by her literary swag. First, she makes me laugh. Then, she makes my skin crawl so I am forced to look behind me. Then suddenly, she comes up with a paragraph that is absolutely heart-breaking, like:

Jeremy's father's office is above the garage. In theory, no one is meant to interrupt him while he's working, but in practice, Jeremy's father loves nothing better than to be interrupted, as long as the person who interrupts brings him something to eat. When Jeremy and his mother are gone, who will bring Jeremy's father food? Jeremy hardens his heart.

Kelly Link, I can't even.

In music, I have been listening to more or less the same stuff. Except I've been enjoying a lot more of Allison Weiss. I like her poetry: "I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pack/ But you answered my cries in the dead of the night/ And told me that you had my back."

My Supernatural download has finished, care bears. I'm off to commune with the boys. I'm like a Twi-hard, but for these guys. Later.

We're halfway.

Yesterday was my last day as an instructor. Havoc duly wreaked.

The end of an (kind of) era has made me introspective.

A lot of my thoughts have been settling on last summer. I'm remembering random details about spending time with my family in The Netherlands and traveling alone. The other day, I suddenly thought about the grey sweatshirt I left on a train to Florence. A gust of nostalgia blew through my rib cage, and consequently rattled my heart. Far-away places tug at me. I miss the mobility.

 

This is me on another train, before I lost my sweatshirt.

Anyway, there will be some of that next week. My return to the Big City is properly underway. Apart from the minor debates on whether or not I should bring the rice cooker or how many mugs I should take, the preparations have been uneventful. Ma has been going around the house, unearthing things that could be useful in the apartment.

For a while, the idea of living in Manila carried stigma. I couldn't think about the place without getting hyper acidic. I suppose, these days, the strong adverse reaction has dialed down. I now respond to Manila in pretty much the same way any Northerner would. I have spent enough time in the mountains putting my soul back together. I love living with my family, but I feel like it's time for me to jump back into the trenches.

Later.

The world is vast

I have been a very bad blogger. But look-- Señor Chang!

And now all is forgiven.

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I went to the beach. I bobbed around in the sea for a bit, then rolled around on the sand with my baby cousins. They collected smooth rocks and I would stick them back in the sand. The babies would promptly find them again. We also made sand castles where you dribble wet sand from your hand until you end up with piles that resemble towers and turrets. When I resigned myself to dry land, I found that my older cousins had rented out a videoke machine for the night. We sang ourselves hoarse.

Between now and the last time I wrote here, there was a little work done on the house. (Yes, that is how long it has been.) Jake now has a room of his own, and the living room walls were repainted. Also, my overhead light has been repaired. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. I have been living in semi-darkness for the last two years. Obviously, my room was generally bright during the day. At night, though, all I had was my reading lamp. Because it's been so long, I have to remind myself to turn on the overhead light in the evening. I now seem to have an easier time finding things at night.

Relocation is in my future. In a yester-post, I briefly mentioned I'd be going back to Manila. That's happening more or less now-ish. The time has come for me to address that scholarly elephant in the room. I have a few more semesters to finish what I started.

I know I had more interesting things to say when I started writing this. Anyway, check out this clever comic strip by IdaEva. I have struggled struggle with my own creativity, and it set off a couple of sparks in my brain.

Later.

The Gestalt Prayer

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

After everything

School has been over for a while. I'm only just getting the hang of moving slowly again. Shortly after I turned in my grades, I went through the usual post-hell week blues. A tiny fraction of my brain understood that I was now without obligation. But I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out exactly what to do with myself. So mostly, I just sat around, studying fascinating bumps on the wall. I also made the rounds in my head, checking for damage.

I've come around since then, but haven't quite gotten to the point where my writing is all flow-y. So bear with me while I incoherently blurt out bits of my life.

In June, I'll be moving back to Manila where spending money is kind of like exhaling. And with all those nice, well-stocked bookstores too. Irony, you sneaky bitch.

The best thing about not having to go to class everyday is I get to read as much as I want. Sure, there are pesky interruptions like bathing and eating, but things on the literary front are golden.

On The Exchange, Hanna and I embark on the 30 Day Book Challenge. We are wreaking all sorts of havoc over there. Join us! As of now, we are up to Day 5.

Ma is back, which is a relief. (I don't think I have to mention how pleased Brother Bear and Dog are.) The first thing she did when she got home was clean. The thing about mothers is, they manage to find dirt even when you thought you'd got everything. So now, the house is clean by maternal standards.

I'm almost done with The West Wing. I know someone who is mightily proud of me.

I'm not teaching this summer, but I have tasks for the department here and there. It's not a bad set-up. I have lots of free time and still get to work for my pay.

I end here. Oh and another thing, school letting out also means I treat my sleeping habits with wanton disregard. Later.

Congratulations, this is a rant

Strange day where I lectured for three hours straight in the morning and there were two consecutive earthquakes in the afternoon.

I went home early today and almost fell asleep watching The Romantics. I don't think it had anything to do with my recent lack of sleep. I hear it is based on a book, which I have not read. The author wrote the screenplay, which should have been a good thing. It was also brimming with beautiful people, including Malin Akerman whom I have always had a guilty crush on. Also, Anna Paquin and Adam Brody. And Katie Holmes without her famous hair. And Josh Duhamel. These ridiculously gorgeous actors play a bunch of college friends who reunite to see two of their own get wed. This movie had so much potential but it tripped all over itself in the effort to realize it. I'm not sure even Josh Duhamel's abs could have saved it, but it would have helped to have had more of that. He recites a poem, but by then, I was only watching because I am polite.

So. Out of politeness, I finished the movie and then went to sleep. It was touch and go at first (I had me some caffeine), but my exhaustion eventually won out. It was the kind of sleep where drool is a definite possibility and strange, vivid dreams are a given. It would have been restful, but I woke up when the sun was going down. Naps that end in twilight are the worst. I get cranky and often declare that I Want To Rip Someone's Head Off.

In It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, the protagonist Craig Gilner obsesses about his numerous daily tasks until he becomes paralyzed and is unable to accomplish anything. He calls this process Cycling. Vizzini provides a name for something I am quite familiar with (In another post, I will talk more about how much I could relate to It's Kind of a Funny Story, it was kind of alarming). I have had episodes where it became impossible for me to finish anything because I would psyche myself out with overthinking. And because I was unproductive, I would fall into a depressed stupor. This has not been the case lately, though. I have been mobile and prompt, and participating. But even then, there is still so much to do. This would not be so bad, but there are also the unforeseen and unfortunate setbacks to deal with. My frustration and anxiety about school has been growing, and I can feel my brain ticking. Fuckstockings, I am teetering on the edge of Cycling.

**********

Writing helped, but I feel bad that this negativity is now loose in the Universe. To begin the healing, I give you chicken and potatoes!

Later.

A respite

It has been a long week. The days are zipping by without so much as a by-your-leave, and I am hard-pressed to keep up. I've been so tired, the words coming out of my mouth or through the keys are sometimes not the words I come up with in my head. I am unaware of how many potentially embarrassing blunders I've unleashed into the Universe. Perhaps my brain is feeling weary and is now making the necessary dissociation from the rest of my body. School has been relentless.

Now on to other things:

I have actually been reading, which bodes well for ailing brain functions. Lately, though, I can only seem to finish Light Books That Make Me Giggle (but not excluding Light-ish Books With Hidden Dark Corners) and not Serious Books That Are Considered Relevant To Our Times. I will let you know when I have become emotionally primed to take on the latter. For now, I will continue to wade in the refreshing pools of pleasant distraction.

TV, as always, has been kind enough to comply with my need for lighter fare. White Collar is back, and what can be more distracting than Matt Bomer in suits? His eyes are like the ocean. Haha. There are new episodes of Chuck too, but I cannot say I'm pleased with where the story is going. I've also been watching Friends a lot, because it shields me from the anxiety that wells up when I think about school things.

The Australian Open is coming to a close, and neither Federer nor Nadal will be playing tomorrow. Roger's was a particularly sour loss, because it was to Djokovic, who has been irritating to me lately. In other news, Nadsy has been modeling underwear for Armani. Good. Lord.

Hanna posted this on my Wall to confound me.

More belated, personal news: my birthday came and went quietly amid the daily blur of work and Being. Jake and I went out for a snack to celebrate.

I also got a bunch of books to show for turning a year older. Lem let me loose in a bookstore, and I made off with quite a haul. Hanna got me a birthday book for readers where I learned Lem shares his birthday with Jane Austen.

I will end here because my stomach is informing me that it is lunch time. Later.