Today on KubiTV

Being back home, I've reverted to the role of glorified Bill-Payer. The money doesn't necessarily come from me (ha-ha), but I do literally pay the bills. I spend lots of time in lines and run into all kinds of situations, not all of them pleasant.

This morning, I went to the bills payment center on the third floor of SM Department Store (wasn't I just talking about this place?) and discovered that it does provide the intended convenience. They accept payments for insurance, utilities, most communication and internet service providers, and major credit card companies. The water bill still needs to be settled at the Baguio Water District in Utilities Road, about half a kilometer from the mall. But as I understand it, negotiations are underway for SM to begin receiving water payments. Imagine if that happened. I could accomplish bill-paying duties in one fell swoop. This is great news on the domestic front.

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Slim pickings at the movies. Lem and I saw Ninja Assassin and are thankful our tickets were free. The action scenes were probably wicked...if we could see them. We admit, the ninjas vanishing into the shadows was pretty cool. On the other hand, every other action scene fizzled in bad light and ended too soon. Yes, we know that ninjas move with preternatural speed and should make discreet kills, but what is a ninja movie without properly visible fights?

For one shining moment, when the ninjas massively kick Europol ass, I imagined the movie was a pointed jab at Western ignorance. I was wrong. The police eventually use heavy Western artillery to decimate the ninja clan's mountain hideaway. I am thinking too much.

I did like the scene where Rain's character, Raizo, practices stealth on a nightingale floor. One misstep and the woodwork sings like a bird, alerting the target to an intruder's presence. In Japanese history, paranoid leaders had these floors installed in their palaces as a security measure against assassinations. I remember Takeo from Lian Hearn's amazing novel Across the Nightingale Floor. I think I'll re-read it for a real ninja fix.

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Now that I'm blogging again, I've begun narrating events of my life in my head. I find angles to write about and test out working sentences to myself. This is a useful mental exercise that draws away from my usual train of thought. The people closest to me are up to their eyeballs in my frequent random bursts of neurosis. Restarting the writing habit has been good for my brain, which is becoming addled from disuse.

Zen for breakfast

6AM You wake up. Your internal clock works like a charm. You look up and see sunlight filtering through the glass into your semi-dark room. Your eyes are still adjusting to daylight and your body refuses to get up. Under the sheets, it is warm and safe. You don't want to leave. You pull the blankets up tighter under your chin and turn, finding an even more comfy position. You think, "15 minutes more." It is blessedly easy to doze off again.

6:15AM Reality is more palpable. You need to get up for work. For months now, you have been wondering if you can still keep up the charade that is your job. You have been thinking of resigning. You fear that your 8-5 desk job has made you bereft of all creativity and depth.

6:30AM You are still in bed, and beginning to hate yourself for it. You should have gotten up at 6. In your head, there is a battle: Is this the day I finally leave my job? What will I do with all my free time? I can't take this job anymore, it's time to move on. Where will I get the money to pay for the electricity? You bury your face in your pillow and mull over these nagging thoughts.

6:45AM Shit. Now, you really have to get up. You drag your heavy body out of bed. It feels like you've aged ten years since you woke up. You heat water for your bath and put together the stuff you'll bring to work. Your thought battle is nearing its end. A resolution is in sight. You think of the day ahead, wondering if it will pass painlessly. You imagine what you will do to make the hours more bearable.

7:10AM You are nearly ready. You can hear cars and jeepneys zooming by your house. The rest of the world has woken up with you, ready to take on the day. You look in the mirror and take a deep calming breath. Your mind is preparing itself, because it knows that preparation is the key to anything. You spray on some perfume, because you want to smell good even if you're miserable. This job is killing you.

7:20AM But you have to be realistic. You walk out the door and stand in the street, noticing a clump of students a little way down also waiting for a ride. You feel a slight pang in your chest, wishing you were still in school. You shake it off. You hail the first jeep that passes and it is not full. You are beginning to accept how you will spend the day. You seat yourself close to the door and look ahead.

7:50AM The moment of clarity. You walk into the office. The long jeepney ride has cleared your head. Or was it the fresh air? You have decided to remain hopeful about your job. The slump in your shoulders is beginning to vanish. The work day ahead no longer feels insurmountable. You remember that you will eventually find a way out of this monotony, but for now, you will have to suck it up. You go to your table. You see the work you left unfinished the day before. You sigh. It is not resignation. It is simply the realization that all this is temporary: you are relieved.

For the rest of the day, you pour yourself into work. You do not worry about the future or that fact that this job may be sucking your soul out. You know that your soul does not belong to this boring eight-to-five. It is alright. You have freed your mind of the unpleasant thoughts plaguing you earlier. In fact, your mind has become cleared of any worries and distractions. You exist only in the present. You focus on the tasks before you, and actually perform excellently. You have achieved inner peace.